About Me: Distilled
By the grace of my terrible alchemy, I have discovered what doesn’t change about me through everything that does.
At the heart of it, I care enduringly about
the life and freedom of the soul
the transformative power of love and the processes of alchemy
the interpersonal relational space—specifically breaking patterns that perpetuate inequality, hierarchy, and isolation and learning to work together in ways that foster autonomy and interconnection
I care about these things. I’ve made (and still make) so many glorious mistakes in and around these things. I’ve been reduced to ashes by these things. I’ve been remade from the ashes to live and breathe these things. And my overflow is words.
No matter what else I’ve ever tried to do or be, words have always flowed through me.
This is where I’m resourced. This is what I have to offer:
words and a deep understanding for the more confusing inner processes many of us find ourselves undergoing on the path of healing, soul awakening, interpersonal relating, and coming home to the difficult and precious realities of being human.
It is my joy and honor to share my gifts with you. As the saying goes, take what works for you and leave the rest. (But come back for more any time you want.)
With Love,
McCall
Life Highlights That Brought me To Here
When I was sixteen, I read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, and it rocked my world. Ever since then, I’ve been on a mission to heal the relational model of codependency and non-consent I was born and bred into (thanks, Western culture) and reconnect with my innate worth and creative power. The journey has been a spiral with some terrible turns, lulls, major shadow work, “ah ha” moments, grief that has nearly killed me, and freedom to match it.
At age nineteen, I broke off my engagement to my high school sweetheart six weeks before the wedding. This was like tipping the first domino that sent the rest falling. I was not going to be able to live that life that was planned for me, not even the life I planned for me. My heart was too loud for other things.
In my early twenties, I left the Mormon church I was raised in after I had an intense and mystical knowing during Sunday Sacrament meeting from an inner voice that said: This is the last time you’ll go to church. And it was! I walked away that day and never went back. The familial and community fallout that ensued was awful, but the freedom and healing has been unparalleled.
After I graduated from college in my twenties, I left my 9-5 job to open a music studio, teach music lessons, and become a performing songwriter. I was following my heart and trusting the Universe to have my back. I.e. provide me with…money? notoriety? a meaningful life path and purpose??… idk but it didn’t work out the way I thought it would. While there was so much growth and creative exploration for me during this time, I eventually ended up leaving the stage, closing my teaching business, and entering what I now know was the dark nights of my spirit (dark nights of the soul have nothing on the painful and disorienting abandonment that is dark nights of the spirit).
After leaving my music life in 2010, I began learning about the processes of inner alchemy. “Learning about?” More like became utterly consumed and obsessed with. Alchemy gave me context for the processes of deconstruction I was undergoing that I found no reflection for in the culture around me. Having the context of alchemy saved my sanity, probably fair to say it saved my life.
In 2016 while suffering and trying to recover from a major burnout, I drove away from my life of sixteen years in Utah with everything I owned in the trunk of my Hyundai Elantra. This included leaving a long-term relationship with a beloved soulmate—one of the most searing griefs of my life. I had no idea where I was going to land, but I knew what I needed that I wasn’t getting from the life that had been closing in on me for years. So I risked it all to go find it.
In 2017 I wrote The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy after Awakening in coffee shops, libraries, and houses of friends and family across the United States.
In 2018 I moved to Hawaii and began healing physically and relationally in ways that are still too close, precious, and deep to write about. My gratitude is off the charts.
After five years of work, my second book, Down from the Mountain: On Being Human after Spiritual and Alchemical Initiation, is being released March 2024.
To read about what I’m currently up to, click here.