What's the Use?
What's the use of a question if you ask it in one breath and answer it in another?
Without the time in between to wonder and empty yourself of reasons and things you thought you knew.
Without the way it opens and clears and uncovers you. The way it holds you to the fire of your mystery.
What's the use of your carbon heart without the pressure of a Dark Night? Buried under the weight of your heavy life. Forgotten, untouched, and alone until the glimmer of a diamond shines through.
Or the use of a lover if she always stays? If you never know what it's like to call her name, that wanting in your throat, that fire in your gut, ashes to ashes... (it's too much it's too much!)
What's the use of a lesson if you don't let it teach you?
A desire if you don't let it stir you.
A wound if you don't let it break you.
A love a love a love if you don't let it slay you?
Okay. I know this might sound crazy. Maybe even foolish. And I'll probably hate you for this (and me for asking) later. But oh Beloved, in some life, some time, some moment when it's just right, will you hold my body next to yours in the whispers of night? Open the door in your chest to the door in mine and let the secrets flow, the fire burn, the sweetness stir between us, planting seeds and tastes and knowings in my deepest well of longing. And when the morning comes, before I rise, leave without saying goodbye. Just leave and don't explain why. Leave an empty space so vast, a question so big that a thousand lifetimes of answers could never fill. And then wait. Wait for the songs, the stories, the dances, the risks, the heartbeats, the chances that rise from that place. You will know which ones they are. You will know them in the quiet space between wake and sleep. In the place where the waves break on the sand and then pull back again. You will know them in a stranger's eyes. In the grief and the longing and the glimmer there. You will know them in night and day and in the fine line where they turn into each other. You will know them because you know them.
Ah, what's the use in this maddening way?
You will know. You will know. You will know.